Holding On or Letting Go

God’s Will Be Done

When God calls you to something, it may not be exactly what you want. But you have a responsibility to fulfill it. Medicine has become something that I know I must do. The thought of 12+ years of school is a bit overwhelming, and depressing quite frankly, but I know its a calling. I know its why I am here.

I’m finding though, during the time of seeking God, and seeking His will, I often don’t get things I want, especially when I want them. Thank God. 

I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus return.-Philippians 1:6.

So I’m here; I must eat the elephant one bite at a time; take it class by class, semester by semester and day by day. 

Sounds like a slow process to me, and slow isn’t in my vocab.

K thank you Lord for yet another lesson!

-vLv

Confidence

A woman who is confident in herself doesn’t need to prove her beauty to the world by showing it off. Love God, love your family and friends, and most of all be proud of the person you were created to be. 

-Internal thoughts of a 20 yr old female struggling within..

-vLv

Crossfit/Crosslife

            So I’m into Crossfit now! I definitely have a love/hate relationship with it.

Sore muscles, calloused hands, and bruised knees are not favorites, but the feeling of accomplishment afterwards is like I just shot up heroin, or so I’d think… The feeling of ecstasy overwhelms me, I feel like I can take over the world, and that I’m unstoppable. 

But the minute I get into my truck to drive away, I am bombarded with life. And all of the things which are going so “wrong” right now. I’d take calloused hands and bruised knees any day over emotional pain.

As I was doing the WOD(workout of the day) yesterday I couldn’t help but think, only 5 more Victoria, fight a little more, a little longer. Which then got me thinking about the other pain. ONLY A LITTLE MORE! But I’ve realized that I’ve been telling myself that for a long time. After you’ve been doing this for soooo long, your faith, and strength get weaker and weaker. In Crossfit, the thing that gets me through is knowing the pain will end and there will be victory… But in life, it may never end, and there may not be victory.. These are the thoughts which overwhelm me to the point of hopelessness. 

I’ve never been angry, per se at God before, I’ve never wanted to ditch my faith and walk away, but the present situations in my life which keep arising make me want to throw my towel in. Even though everything in me wants to give up and “forget God” I’m reminded that He is my only hope and without Him, I really am hopeless. So I continue… I force bible verses in my head, and I FORCE myself to read Jesus Calling and Dear Jesus daily… But then that makes me sad. The very God who has made my life possible and blessed me beyond relief, who takes care of me and is working everything together for my good, I want to ditch? I’m reminded of my depravity. Why is doing the “right” thing so difficult? In 1 Peter, Peter talks about suffering for doing good. I think everyone has dealt with this in some way or another.  1 Peter 3:14 “But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened.” This passage(1 Peter 3:8-18) encouraged me so much, I am struggling to see the good in “right doing”, when lately I’ve been martyred for it… I tend to ask “all this right doing, and I’ve gotten where?” 1 Corinthian 10:13 says “The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure.”

I’ll say it again and again, because I need reminding more than anyone. Keep holding on!

Xo

vLv

Too busy getting to know God more…

I wish had time to write about ALL God is doing in and through me! I’m on the brink of change, I don’t know what that looks like or means, I just know I am. Which is extremely exciting! Still on that journey of really, truly and completely trusting the Lord!

Here are some cool pics that encouraged me!

ut oh!

Its been a while again!:/

I have a ton of great excuses, but not enough time to explain. 

Time to reflect, think, and write

Sitting by a fire, smart water at hand, and thoughts flying every direction!

Who would have thought Holding on or Letting Go could have so many different meanings or connotations? 

Like I’ve said before, I really don’t have a clue where I got this idea. But, I know its a good one. 

Reflecting back on this year, I’ve looked at all the things, people, and opportunities I’ve had to hold on to, or let go of. I’ve discussed how difficult holding on can be as it relates to our faith, but what about people, things, situations,or relationships?

How do we determine what we should hold on to or let go of?

I’ve never dealt with this before now. My immediate, greedy, selfish reaction is hold on to as MUCH as possible with the tightest grip you can.  Thought lately I’m learning the power of letting go and letting God do His thing. 

Before I go any further, let me clarify that the whole “let go, let God” mantra is a lazy one. I get what people are saying, they mean “if you can let go of something, then God is able to do His work that He has designed without you getting in His way, I guess…” Which I agree with 100%. The problem is, most people are confused by this. People see letting go as  an opportunity to turn their backs to the situation, and just let God…Wrong! Proverbs 4:25-27 says: “Let your eyes look straight ahead;fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to thepaths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.Do not turn to the right or the left;keep your foot from evil.” I think this gives clear direction of our responsibility. We can let go of things, but we must not negate the obligation we have to God of choosing our paths carefully, fixing our focus on Him and being steadfast. Always. 

Things have always been difficult for me to release. Maybe because growing up, I didn’t get new clothes that often? Or because I was a closet hoarder? Or maybe it was because I, like 100% of the world was born a sinner and with that comes greed.

However, I’ve thankfully have never truly experienced the loss of someone. Until this year. A friend who popped in my life and dropped out of it quicker than I could blink. The problem was, they made such an impact on me, that I to this day I struggle with letting go. After our last goodbye, I’ve only seen/spoke to this person, maybe twice. Why is it they were ever in my life? Why did God allow them to impact me so much? Why can’t I even speak to this person? Or be friends with them? But most of all, Why can’t I let go of this person? Or should I? 

All these questions which haunt me on a regular basis. Why can’t I just walk away?

Something God has revealed to me lately is my dissatisfaction in Him. I’m holding on to this friend because they gave me the “joy” and “sense of satisfaction” that only Christ can give. My prayer at the moment is that I can find contentment, satisfaction, and pure joy in Christ. 

So, what does that look like?! What does truly holding on or letting go of things or people look like in a persons life? How do I actually do that?

Anyone… 

“Once a ship has sailed, let it go. If you’re not careful, you can drown in water under the bridge.” 

#learningtoletgoofmypast

Funny how the week before finals you all of the sudden have sooooo much time…

#procrastonationnation